I don't know why the universe takes perfectly normal,
reasonably well-adjusted people and throws them into horribly awkward
situations. Some of those moments aren't always horribly awkward, but uncomfortable nonetheless.
This topic came up recently when a group of us were sitting
around just chatting. I, of course, write for a living, so I don't go out all
that much--which is not to say that I've
never
suffered an awkward moment. I used to be
out and about constantly. But we'll get to that.
One of the ladies present--we'll just call her Corin--was talking about her workday. All of her co-workers are men. That comes with its own plethora of uncomfortable moments, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Anyhow, someone had turned the air conditioner up a little too high that day.
As an aside, she was quick to say that her bra was one of the thick sort, not padded, just thick.
Corin suffered in silence for awhile, but eventually, she couldn't ignore chill.
When her arms broke out in goose bumps, she turned to the two men with her and said, "Is it cold in here to you?"
Two sets of male eyes immediately jumped to her breasts where, yep, you guessed it, her slightly padded bra betrayed her--her co-workers could see the universal proof.
She might as well have been wearing a wet t-shirt.
The very next morning, stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick
up a cup of coffee before work. This time, she was wearing her slightly padded
bra underneath two hip-length, pullover t-shirts. Nobody was going to read the
temperature from her chest this time.
While she was preparing her coffee, an older man walked up
to pour one for himself. Out of the blue, he turned to her and said, "Now,
there's something you don't see
anymore."
Attempting to be polite, Corin asked, "What's
that?"
"Not many young girls have outtie belly-buttons anymore," he told her, then walked away.
She immediately looked down to check out her belly-button.
Two shirts should have made her bellybutton impossible to see. It turned out
that her belly piercing showed through just enough to masquerade as an outtie.
She couldn't decide which was worse--knowing that her piercing stuck out that
much, or that someone had stared at her midriff long enough to picture what her
bellybutton looked like.
I had a moment earlier that day. Last week, I'd found my favorite, hard-to-find
shampoo and soap, both in my favorite scent. The shampoo wasn't cheap, but
things happened just right, so I ordered it online.
The first chance I had, I naturally used the shampoo and soap,
happily enjoying the scent after I dressed and my hair was brushed. (I don't
usually blow dry my hair--I let it air dry)
When my neighbor called and asked to pop in, I agreed right
away. He'd been gone several days and had had a recent death in his family. We've
been neighbors for almost seven years, always there when the other one needed a
chat or cup of sugar. (That really happens.
It's not just a cliché)
As always, he came on in, stopping first to pet my sister's
dog and dispense treats. After that, per usual, he made his way over to me for
a hug. Folks tease me about him being my boyfriend or him chasing me--I just
laugh it off. I'm not looking for that, and presumably, neither is he.
 |
| This wasn't on the calendar for today... |
The hug, however, went on, and on, and on…well, we hadn't
visited in several days, and had been away at a family funeral. So, it follows
that he needed a hug, right?
After awhile, I said, "Hey, I bet my hair is still
wet." I was not at my
conversational best, needless to say.
He didn't move for another thirty seconds, at least. If you
don't think that's a long time, count out loud and imagine there's a bomb somewhere
nearby.
When he did pull
away, he said, "Damn, your hair smells good."
That'll teach me, won't it?
I'm sure we know that women aren't the only people who end
up in awkward social situations…Poor Jordan. He works at a dojo where various martial
arts classes are held every week for children. This week, it was time for the
intermediate class (blue or green belt -- in this case 6 and 7 year-olds) to
have their summer picnic.
Jordan, being a stellar summer employee was front and center
for the picnic. It was held at a local park near a lake. He's a nice guy and
patient enough with the kids, many of whom only understand the word "no" because they say it so much. He
liked his job, could handle the kids, and it paid all right.
There was another reason he made sure to attend that
particular event, though. Apparently, one of the mothers--we'll call her Mrs.
Money-- liked to mingle with the other moms unfettered by such nagging
responsibilities as watching her children. Not only that, Mrs. Money was
usually busy on class days, so she had a sitter for those days. That way, she
could do something else while the sitter, Zoë, looked after her budding Karate star and his
toddler sister.
According to Jordan, Zoë is hot, has the patience of a
saint, and funny as hell. In short, she was everything a twenty-something woman
should be, and he'd been flirting with her non-stop for sixteen weeks, solid.
She always smiled at him and spoke to him when she saw him. She had a dry wit
that cracked him up; he made sure he was nearby whenever the intermediates were
in class.
At the picnic, he spotted her near the lake with another
woman and the toddler Zoë chased around while the boy was in class. As he
watched, trying to decide on a casual approach, the little girl tugged at the
hem of Zoë's shorts and then did her best to peel the young woman's shirt up
above her navel. That was all the invitation he needed.
When he was close enough, he said, "Hey, how come she's
trying to rip your shirt off?"
Zoë blushed and laughed it off, but he hung around as long
as he could, trying to score some points with her. Mrs. Money wandered over,
along with another woman. Not one to miss an opportunity, he hung out with the
group, teasing and laughing for nearly an hour. By the time he was called away,
Jordan was pretty sure he'd made good progress..
Before he got very far, he heard Mrs. Money say, " Zoë, you know he was flirting with you, right?"
He stopped, waiting to hear what she'd say. The women were all facing the lake, so they didn't know he was close enough to listen.
The other mother jumped in and assured Zoë, saying, "Oh, yeah. He was flirting like crazy--not just now, but for months."
"Really?" Zoë answered. He could picture her face as she said it. The rest of her response really took him by surprise. "Huh…That was flirting? Wow. I had no idea."
And that was pretty much how the rest of his day went, too.
So, those are a FEW awkward events. But we know there are countless more, don't we?
Let's make Sunday into
AWKWARD MUCH? Day--
Either post it as a comment or send me a note at
jjmassa@gmail.com with your awkward moment. I'll put them on next
Sunday's blog. The most awkward moment will win their choice from these Ashlyn Chase erotic, awkward moment stories:
Next Sunday, we'll do it again with a different erotic, or romantic awkward-moments prizes.
You know that life will always be awkward. Why not win from it--it's a double win if it's someone else's awkward tale you're telling ! *g*
